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Boulder, Colorado

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Payback (an entry on the softer side)

It’s enormous.  It’s all consuming.  It’s somewhat obsessive.  It causes me to do things I would never consider doing otherwise.  It’s more powerful than I thought it would be, even though I knew it’d be huge.  There aren’t enough adjectives to describe it.  I thought I knew, but I just didn’t know.  And yet, my love for this child grows every day.  How could that be?  And sometimes it manifests in ways that I wish it didn’t- the ways in which I worry, the ways in which I grow weary.

One crazy realization that this love has brought me is the true understanding that this is how much my parents have loved and love me.  I have no doubt about that now.  Not that I ever did.  I must admit, I’ve spent some time in my 20s analyzing the ways in which my parents screwed me up over the years, and granted, the screwed-up is there.  But I never really knew that THIS was what they went through.   Wow.
I'm sure they chuckle to themselves every time they talk to me these days.  Haha- I sure did get my come-upins.  And I mean that in the best way possible.  

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